Rants from 2004
December 2004/January 2005
You know people who wear their sunglasses resting above their eyebrows on their forehead? As if they have a second set of eyes in their forehead they must protect. They suck.
November 2004
Well, I'm having a hard time working up the energy to really let it all hang out after the election. Despite feeling sad, pathetic, impotent, and rejected, I'm sure I can stir up some sort of rant in the near future.
However, while I'm working on an election rant, let me share with you my feelings about car drivers turning across crosswalks:
Could you look both ways and refrain from running me over while you're trying to beat the truck plunging down the road? It's really not so much to ask. I do have a walk sign, and it's raining, and you're inside your lovely oversized SUV. Someday, I'm going to smack you on the hood, I swear. And then it's on!
October 2004: It's time to play political roulette (with an Oregon bias)
Somehow the Rant section seemed the best for my various election preferences. Do note the source (me), and take these with a grain of salt.
Before we get to my opinions, here are some places
for real information:
Oregon Votes, the best
place for official information on voting in Oregon
Willamette Week
endorsements, the links to the actual endorsements at the bottom
of this article
Portland City
Club endorsements and background reports, although I don't always
agree with their conclusions, I do appreciate the information
Portland's best news
source, Portland Communique, more interesting thoughts on Portland
and have patience with the new layout. Endorsements are running
down the right column
Okay, now that we've gotten some real sources out of the way... Uh, I haven't sucked it up and registered as a Democrat. But on the federal and state elections, I'm voting that way 'cause of the whole common good thing and caring for those who are unable to care for themselves (old people, sick people, kids; really, all of us at some point or another). Democrats are not so impressive on this concept, but they're a skosh closer than the Republicans
Oregon politics are far more confusing.
State Ballot Measures - when in doubt, vote no!
31: No Dead People On the Ballot - yeah, even though constitutional
amendments make me nervous, I suppose this makes sense.
32: Mobile Homes Really Don't Move - yeah, once again,
a constitutional amendment, but I suppose this also makes sense.
33: 6 Pounds of Pot for Sick People - dude, this is one
long ballot measure. Phew. Double dude, six pounds of pot is a shitload
of pot. Uh. Huh. I dunno.
34: State Forest to the Rescue - is there a problem in
how state forests are being managed? Yeah, probably so. Does this
measure make it better? Uh oh, dunno again.
35: Stop Suing the Doctors - medical malpractice insurance
is out of control and health care costs are way too high. But limiting
how much we can sue doctors doesn't directly fix either of these
things. So, even though I signed a petition for this ballot measure
in a moment of weakness, nope.
36: Let's Enshrine Hate in Our State Constitution
- can you guess how I feel about this measure? The ideal Protestant
Christian marriage is ending, and people are scared. But this is
NOT how to take care of our children and celebrate loving relationships.
Only a few generations back, Protestant Christian marriages viewed
the woman as property of the man. Phew, I'm glad I'm not fighting
against that in the Oregon Constitution. Vote No!
37: Gosh Darn' It, I Wanna Do Whatever
I Want - yeah, this rather
goes against the whole common good thing. My entire political life
has involved fighting against these ballot measures aimed at eliminating
taxes and property restrictions. Vote No!
38: Make the Workers Comp Insurance Problem Go Away - SAIF
sux, but this isn't going to fix the workers comp issues. Nope.
Multnomah County Ballot Measures
26-57 through 26-63: yeah, sure, clean up the County Charter. I'll
vote yes.
26-64: Don't Want to Pay Me Taxes -
Arr, matey, the taxes do suck, but they pay for good services that
the state isn't going to deliver. No shirkin' yer duty. Vote
No!
Portland City Council
Tom Potter for Mayor: like his style, better not embarass me like
Derry Jackson.
Sam Adams for City Council: worked with the guy, I know he won't
embarass me and will get stuff done. You can visit Sam
Adams' website for more information.
Now, back to the normal business of ranting about sillier stuff...
Should I even say who wrote this rant?
Hummers. Why does anyone living in Portland possibly need one? They
are way too large and equipped with extras that might make sense
in Iraq or the Florida Everglades (ignoring any environmental protections,
of course). The snorkel is a nice, oh so essential touch for Portland
driving. A hummer says, "I might run you over and never notice,
and if it's doesn't muss my nice paint job, I really don't care."
Gack!
Cat still upset about lack of turn signals
I am still upset about people not using their turn signals. And what's up with people turning their signal on after they have already begun their maneuver. Poor form. While I'm at it, I'd like cars to stop trying to run me over while I'm crossing the road - at a crosswalk, with the light. I will thump your hood as you squish me!
Cat Madill and her parents about the runners
What the hell is up with the people running in the middle of the road?!? I mean, there IS a sidewalk, and although we do walk here in Portland, there is almost always plenty of room on the sidewalk. And unlike cars, walkers won’t kill you if you bump into them. Do these runners somehow think their running is so intimidating, so impressive, the cars will willingly cede the road to them? I think not! As a frequent walker, I can assure you that cars are dangerous, stupid beasts. Whereas runners in the road are just stupid.
Cat Madill and the noise
I have a problem with commerce. Notably, commercial trucks on residential streets prior to 8 am. I suppose I could make it slightly earlier for main streets leading to grocery stores, but 6:30 am is too early. Too early, dammit. And what’s with every apartment building having its own trash and recycling collection company? Particularly cruel at 6:30 am. Garrrrrrr! I shake my fist at your noise.
Benjamin Buhayar and the failure of the future
Where are the flying cars? I was promised flying cars and all I got was this stupid little phone. Tiny phones do not compensate for flying cars. This sucks.
Cat Madill and Nader
What is up with this loser? If he siphons votes away from the democratic candidate simply because he wants to run, I'm going to jump up and down in frustration. I'm all for third candidates and more interesting debates during elections, but Nader just doesn't do it for me. Dennis Kucinich or Howard Dean are more interesting, if somewhat more mainstream, and you don't see them insisting they need to be on the ballot. Arrr. Just makes me want to smack someone.
Anna Dunn's Rant #2: Grumpy Bus People
Everyone has their problems with public transportation. Buses arrive late, bus drivers snap at you or drive by without stopping, cell-phone users jeopardize whatever peace and quiet there is with their incessant chatter. My own personal pet peeve: riders who make the ride miserable simply by projecting their own bad mood on everyone around them. Yes, I had to ride the bus into work during the three snowiest and worst bus-riding days of the year. And it wouldn’t have been so bad if half the people on the bus hadn’t acted like they had a direct first-class ticket to hell and this was it. The person catty-cornered to me spent the whole 40 minutes complaining about how he’d be the only one to show up to work, and how his boss, who hadn’t followed through on his raise, was probably sound asleep in bed. Then the man in front of me stood blocking traffic to the back of the bus and scowling at anyone that wanted by as though it was a violation of his personal liberty to let them pass. Hello! It’s called “public transportation” because that’s what it is; it’s not as though you own a seat, or even standing space. Granted, I was none-too-happy about getting up in the morning to go to work when 90% of the population would be sleeping in their warm cozy beds, but by the time I got there, I felt relieved just to get off the bus (especially since the scowling guardian-of-the-back-of-the-bus-traffic-man had gotten off before me and I didn’t need to confront him). Work, in comparison, was quite delightful. Now that the ice and snow is gone, most Portlanders seem back to their amiable selves, but in adverse winter weather, people need to learn to smile a little. The end of Anna's rant.
Recently, Portland has received a lot of snow. And we don't have that many snow plows and we don't use salt and people are not very good snow and ice drivers. Fair enough. However, this would be the time to NOT talk on your cell phone and drive. Is that so much to ask? Put down the phone for a few minutes to drive across town? Really, is it so hard? Just put it down. Geez Louise. (Cat Madill)
I want to Rant about people who think Bob Graham is still in the Presidential Race [Ed. note: uh oh, I think this might be about me]. These people are not only stupid, but they are also spreading a lot of misinformation. It's people like this who are the cause of all the problems in the world! It would take them 3.3 seconds to look up on CNN's web site and actually inform themselves and find out that no, Bob Graham is not running for President anymore!!! If someone calls you or comes to your house, please remember that Bob Graham is no longer a candidate for President and there is nothing anyone can do to change that! (JKSpindoctor in Nashua, NH)
Anna Dunn's Rant #1: Public Space
One thing I love about Portland is the freedom
to do whatever-the-hell you want wherever-the-hell you want 90%
of the time. If I’m waiting for the bus, I can sit down on
the sidewalk and no one cares. I can not shave my legs, I can wear
my hair in pig-tails, I can wear my nosering, and no one so much
as blinks an eyelash at what would be considered indiscreet in other
cities.
The flipside of this freedom is that many people DO whatever-the-hell
they want to wherever-the-hell they want to, and it’s not
pretty. Left to their own discretion, most humans fall painfully
short in the area of tact. As a result, almost anything is kosher
in public, and there seems to be no sense of the public eye.
Many people misuse this freedom of public space to perform activities
that should be kept private. For instance, grooming. Grooming should
be a behind-doors activity. After all, you don’t groom for
yourself, you groom to look good for others. Don’t brush your
hair or trim your nails or put on lipstick in front of me. I don’t
want your hair follicles or nail trimmings or dead skin cells floating
over to me, and frankly, I don’t really want to see you grooming
across the room from me, unless we happen to be in the same women’s
bathroom. I also don’t care to see couples making out or other
outward sexual displays in public space. I recommend they perform
such activities in the privacy of their own home and spare me the
free peep-show.
And my favorite: talking on the cell phone. Carrying on a conversation
is a private activity. No one else wants to be involved in your
conversation or gives a shit what you are talking about. Imagining
that you are in a booth at a restaurant engaged in a stimulating
conversation with your friend when you are actually riding the bus
home surrounded by people leaving from work IS NOT THE SAME THING.
Why do cell-phone users always seem to think THEY are the most important
people in the world? Not only do they inconvenience the person on
the other end of the line, who must put up w/ their prattle and
– oops I dropped the receiver while I was getting out of my
car, hold on a minute – and – would you hold on a second,
I need to order my coffee – but they treat their people and
surroundings as though they are pieces in a game that only they
can manipulate. “Wait a second,” they motion to the
person behind the counter at Starbucks, whom they just waited two
minutes to talk to, “Oh, can you hold on a second?”
they ask the poor person on the other end of the line, “I’ll
take a latte – what? – oh, medium.” Then they
return to the conversation, once again oblivious to their surroundings.
They speak ten times the volume that normal conversations are held
at, ignore people in the same space as they, and stop only to bark
out orders or requests to others around them. They might give a
quick nod for thanks, but after that it’s back to –
“And Bob, about the meeting, five would work better for me
since I have to meet the wife for dinner later, and sure, let’s
go for drinks.” Yes, the world revolves around them, if only
for the small circle of time during which they are engaged in their
cell-phone banter. The End of Anna's Rant.
Cat Madill
You better use your turn signal and vote. I don't care if you don't see the utility of either of these items. They are the bedrock that our civilization rests upon, and if you keep failing at either of these tasks, I will find you. Oh yes, I will. And then we will glue your hand to the turn signal and paste your voter registration card to your belly.Erica Poff
Double parking for more than five minutes is just shitty. SHITTY. When you are driving around a crowded part of town - let's say NW Portland on Johnson between 22nd and 23rd - and you can't find a parking spot, KEEP LOOKING. Parking in the middle of the street, blocking two cars, and then leaving your car is NOT okay. Don't just give up and go inside. Plus, when the cars find ways to help each other get out of the trap you set, and there are ten other open spots open on the block at 8:30 in the morning because everyone's headed off to work, you just look like an idiot in addition to being an ass. Double parking is a nice little illegal move that is used briefly to unload big boxes, lots of grocery bags, small children or pets from your car before you hop back in and continue to look for a parking spot. It isn't a back up, permanent option for the lazy!! If you can't deal with spending 10 minutes slowly driving around looking for a precious parking spot, you shouldn't even be. Trying to park in the neighborhood. Lazy gits. The smug part of me is happy to see your idiot ass getting towed. Serves you right!Cat Madill
Neighborhoodies? For that matter, hoody. How did I miss this term? Am I some sort of freak? Don't they sound kind of dorky? This reminds me of those hooded Mexican sweatshirts that were popular in middle school and early high school. I got one and thought it was comfy until I looked around and realized everyone had worn their Mexican sweatshirt last year. They had a freakish slang term too, which I cannot remember.
Cat Madill
Dammit, I’d like my civil liberties back.
Where have the good old days gone when the biggest free speech issue I fretted about was whether Oregon should have stark naked people dancing as a freedom of expression? Apparently, I can still fret about this particular subsection of liberty, but I also get some bonus issues as well. The Man is in fine form these days, sticking it to the people and taking names on a regular basis. He’s got some lists going, he’s reading your mail, admiring your literary taste, and apparently deciding who’s being naughty and nice. And it’s hard for me to decide which bureaucrat best embodies The Man, but with so many good options I think The Man is retrenching himself in the American government and not leaving anytime soon. I’m guessing that he’s going to have moles all over the place and even if GW isn’t reelected, The Man will keep on pushing for watching our every little move. It’s enough to make me start streaking as a political statement for freedom everywhere.
[*note, this was written prior to seeing School of Rock, which adds many dimensions to our discussion of the Man. Please watch and learn]