Little Red Riding Hood
bHs - Thank you for joining us, Little Red Riding
Hood. Do you mind if I call you Red?
Little Red Riding Hood - No, not at all. Frankly, whatever you want
to call me, it's a pleasure to be here instead of running around
after some idiot relative or another.
bHs - To start with, explain your striking resemblance
to Anna Dunn?
Red - I'm not sure what happened there. Everyone keeps coming up
to me and calling me Anna, but I assure you, I'm Little Red Riding
Hood. I don't know who this Anna character is, but she sure had
some nosy friends.
bHs - And how do you feel about this?
Red - It's enough to move to another city. Portland sucks anyway.
bHs – Really? I would have thought you would
have like all the friendly people and the nice coyotes in Forest
Park. Plus, there are some good bakeries.
Red - Yeah, whatever.
bHs – Okay. Well, you're the first person we've
interviewed. Previously, only cats.
Red – I noticed that. You do still realize I'm a fictional
character and you're not really interviewing anyone but just making
shit up. You couldn't even screw up your courage to talk to this
Anna person.
bHs – Um. Yeah, so back to your interview.
Red – Uh huh.
bHs - What are you hoping for our new year of 2004.
Red - I think I'd like to spend a lot of time at nude facilities.
I have this beautiful body and I'd like to flaunt it. Also, I'd
like world peace and a new US president.
bHs – Who are you going to support for president?
Red – Since Arnold can't run quite yet, I think I'm voting
for Newt. He has a cool name, and looks a little bit like my grandmother.
bHs – I would have thought you were more liberal.
What about Dean or Kucinich or Kerry or Clark or even Nader.
Red – They suck. They're eating each other alive and then
Newt will move in for the surprise kill.
bHs – Ooookay then. How about your personal
life? How are things going? Anyone special?
Red – Naw. I'm devoting myself to my art and there is no time
for anything else.
bHs – Art? Really? What sort of art are you
doing?
Red – Impressionistic performace art. People really dig the
neo-post-modernist-colonialism thing I do. I just have to show up
and be.
bHs – So, you just hang out in a gallery or
something?
Red – Yeah. Or a wine bar. They just throw money at me and
I twitch my cape at them. It's pretty awesome. You should come by
sometime when there is a lecture afterwards to explain it to you.
bHs - Huh. Well, thanks, I think. But a more heartfelt
thanks for the interview. It's been very special.
Red - Yup, I know.
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