Person o' the Week
An Interview with My Imaginary Friend, Fred
bHs: Hi Fred. Thanks for joining me on such late notice.
Fred : As you know, my dear, I am always here for you.
bHs: That's why I'm talking to you! How are you doing
these days?
Fred: Well, it's a pleasure to get to talk with you again. I know
you've been busy, but I've really missed you these last twenty years.
There hasn't been that much going on for me.
bHs: Oh dear. I didn't really think about that when
I summoned you up.
Fred: It's okay. I have some other friends and I'm easily amused.
bHs: That's what I always liked about you. Who are
your other friends?
Fred: Um. People. Different people. They're really nice and interesting.
You can see one of them feeding me in my picture.
bHs: Hmm, maybe we should drop this topic. How about
talking about when we were always hanging out?
Fred: Sure. That's my favorite subject. Do you remember when you
fell out of the laurel super-hedge and peed your pants?
bHs: Um. Yes.
Fred: That was the best. There you were, with all of you little
people-friends, tossing water balloons at the cars from the safety
of the giant laurel tree. And then the bus driver gets out to have
a few words with y'all and you bolted out the backside of the tree
onto Thurman street, laughing and giggling and crying AND peeing
your pants.
bHs: It was just a little pee.
Fred: But it was still really funny. You sure didn't like getting
in trouble. Remember the time you blamed the missing toothpaste
on your brother and his friend?
bHs: Yeah.
Fred: Yeah. That was pretty silly. Why did you take the toothpaste
from the bathroom and hide it in the backyard? And did you ever
return it?
bHs: I dunno. I guess it seemed like a good idea.
Maybe the toothpaste needed a trip.
Fred: Probably. You were pretty excited about liberating the toothpaste
at the time. At least that wasn't as pathetic as when you fell into
your great-aunt's rose bush in the midwest.
bHs: Yeah, that was just sad and not so weird. I learned
an important lesson about not climbing on chain link fences above
rose bushes.
Fred: Rose bushes are not very forgiving. I was able to calm you
down pretty quickly. Really, you were a delightfully weird child,
and usually not too pathetic.
bHs: Really? Delightfully weird?
Fred: Sure. You ran around with wooden swords wrapped in black electrician's
tape, made up truly complex little stories about your lego people,
and never paid attention to your clothing. You were fun.
bHs: You were fun, too. That's why I had you around.
Someone had to run around with me while I played with my swords.
Fred: I'm still here. Anytime you want to run around and cause trouble,
I'll come along. Just don't ask me to hide any toothpaste.