Essays & Stories about Portland and the World

This is the section where you find essays and stories, probably humorous. If you don’t like them, you have to send something of your own to share with the world. You might think you can just dislike them and then not send anything in, but we’ll know and the next time you turn on your computer we’ll make it sing Abba until you email us something and risk public humiliation as well.

Danford Balch is one of Portland's early citizens, and he really, really messed up. And then paid for it. The exact details are inexact, but the general gist of the story is true.

Brian Burk is living and flying in Alaska. Read about A Typical Day.

Dean Sharp is generously sharing his very special housesitting experience with us. Read more here.

This is a longer essay about flatulence. I know it's a little gross, but it might be helpful. However, if you have particularly high standards, it's probably better not to read it.

Here is a wee little story about my grandfather. It's a bit sweeter than some of the others, so consider yourself warned.

A bus ride sometimes goes terribly awry. And although everything ends up okay (so, don't worry), here is an example.

Other options for your reading entertainment include Hobbit and Pirate Band. Profound meditations on what we want to be when we grow up.

Here are two story titles that haven’t been written yet, but when they are, they’ll be posted: "Tragedy of the Sea Monkeys" and "Nutella is a Brilliant Discovery." I'm growing unsure if they ever will be written, though. Maybe someone else would like to write them?